..But if I’m standing alone, at least I’m standing strong and skinny.
I’m 30 pounds down from my heaviest and I feel incredible most days, and then somedays I’m so angsty and in denial if I’ll ever get to goal. And as of right not, I’m struggling to get to 17% lost. Since I had to halt my weight loss for a few months during the winter, it’s my new 10%, but I just keep bobbing…Gahhh.
The friend I’m falling/fell for has been a complete asshole for the past few weeks and I give up. He won’t talk to me, call me, text me, nothing. I gave him a card a week or so ago (it was Dr. Seuss and it was just telling him I care about him and that it can’t rain all the time), and I thought it kind of solved all the shenanigans, but nope, not even close.
I hate when I introduce people to my life, they linger there and are happy, and then just walk away with new friends, a new understanding of themselves and maybe even how life or people work. And I know my group of friends isn’t walking away from me, but I did so much for him (and I acknowledge he did too), and I feel incredibly used. I’m ignoring him for a while..we’ll see what happens. And if by the smallest chance you’re reading this, I really wish you would tell me what I did, if anything. And if it’s what I’m thinking, I don’t want one either, but you being my awesome friend would be nice.
I’ve started working out with a personal trainer, I take Zumba, and i eat quinoa everyday with 1 tsp of olive oil. My life is organic haha. And I’m hiding from the guys as much as possible until I feel better in a bikini (which I know I can wear the this point :)
Bring it, skinny shenanigans
Cried like a fool for a few days, resorted back to old habits and went off weight Watchers for a week. But I want this. Im going to a state school, which is in the top 100 best schools in the country and they’re giving me money and they have a study abroad program AND the have my major so everything is working out And it’s okay, because my wonderful friend (yes, the one I’m falling for) came over a week ago for tea and hookah for 2.5 hours and he kept telling me how beautiful I was (he brought it up randomly). He sent me a text two nights ago telling me to pick him up and that he had something to tell me. I pull up to his house and he runs outside with a sweatshirt on from the college I’m going to. Turns out he’s going there too.
Bought new make up, worked out, at right and won a $1,000 scholarship. Life’s good, braddah.
Thank you for caring about me so much- calling me to spontaneously go out to dinner or take me to sit on a rock in the middle of a lake to talk for hours. Thank you for texting me at my meetings or remembering to ask me how much weight have I lost and yelling at me to go to the gym. Thank you for listening to my paranoid rants. Thank you for cuddling with me when I’m yelling at you when I’m drunk. Thank you for also having insanely deep drunk conversations with me (haha). Thank you for dealing with my craziness and laughing at me or mimicking me rather than walking away. Thank you for making me feel like I have a purpose. When I got this text message, words could not describe the utter happiness I felt and relief that I wasn’t a burden nor annoyance (and yes, I kept it from 3 months ago).
“I’m just living in the happiest times right now. Just so much to be thankful for, so much to learn from and help shape who I am. You especially, thank you, Alex.”
You tell me you wish you could make carbon copies of me and that I’m incredible. You tell me I opened up a new world for you and that you’re not a hobbit anymore because I exist. I wish there are more words in the English language to describe you and your significance in my life. I am going to be devastated next year when we’re in totally different places, but I’m excited for our Skype dates and I’m more than happy to bring back juice boxes of Sangria to chat over with hookah. I’m so excited for you and I hope you pursue music because you are so talented and incredibly passionate. I’m so excited for the summer and barbecues at your house, going to the beach, and Canada (hopefully?). I love that we bicker, and that I can call you “babe”, “sweetheart”, or “hunny”, and you do the same. I love that you remind me I can make mistakes. I love when you tell me I’m looking skinnier.
I love spending time with you. And, I think I’m falling for you.
If you’ve got a little tiny dream, all you have to do is think about it, work on it every day, and you’ll get it. –Sebastian, The Little Mermaid
And a weight I haven’t been at in 2 years… I could poop a rainbow with all this excitement.
